The pains of unrequited love

What does Merdeka mean to you?

Fake answer: I am happy that I can live here in a multi racial country, where we can interact and live harmoniously together.
Real answer: HOLIDAY!WOOOHOOO!!!! LONG WEEKEND!YEESS!

Ok, lest anyone thinks that I am anti-Merdeka, anti-Islam, anti-government, etc etc, let me make this clear. I am not.

I am not anti-Islam. In fact I have a lot of Muslim friends with whom I hang out with. I enjoy their company and we share the same humour. Some of them even make fun of their own religion just as I would too. Which I find endearing because it means they can laught at themselves and that makes friendship easier.

Now, what is it then that I go on and on about in this space? It is not that I am anti-Islam. I am just anti-Islamic-favouring policies.

While I may laugh with my Muslim friends, that does not mean that I do not harbour a resentment that they will go on to get a scholarship to study overseas eventhough their parents are richer than mine and their results poorer than mine. And while I enjoy their company that does not mean I do not envy that they will not have to worry about their children not being able to enter our top universities due to a quota system while I may have to worry about spending a fortune having to send my children when their applications are rejected.

While I do not disagree that many Muslims are where they are because they have worked hard for it, I do not agree that some of them deserve to be where they are purely because of their race and religion. And it pains me to know that the Government which has pledged to work for Malaysians, have found it fit to work harder for MALAYsians. It hurts my sense of sportmanship when I find that there are athletes who have trained and won in their respective games are not chosen to represent the country/ state because their team consist of Chinese/Indian girls. So they are told, sorry, we cannot choose you. But to make you feel better, we will allow some of your girls to join our team consisting of all Malay girls to represent our country.
Yes, you may go, oh, AS IF this happens. It does. I assure you. It is a FACT.

And many of you will remind me of how us Malaysian respect other races and how we can live together unlike other countries who fight and have wars in the name of religion. And I tell you, in your face, we have avoided wars so far because there WAS an understanding that we as Chinese, Indians and lain-lain had a place under the Malaysian sun as Tunku Abdul Rahman(and Raja Nazrin) said. However this so called "social contract" is fast becoming a thing of the past, and sentiments are high as new policies are put in place because the Malay population HAVE THE RIGHTS. No, its not a BIRTH right. I am sorry that the Government does not see that.

It makes me grimace in disgust when I know that the party who is supposed to represent us Non-Muslims in coalition is much too caught up in making money, in sucking up to their boss's ass and providing for their families to realise that they are slowly but surely selling their souls at our expense.

I respect the fact that we are all allowed to practise our religion freely in this country. But faith unfortunately comes second to survival. And in this country, while you are free to have faith in the religion of your choice, it also means your faith in that particular religion will be a barometer of how much you are given or whether you are given anything at all.

So you see, I am not that bad a person as many people may think. I respect the religions of my friends.Personally, I like them. In fact, some of them are my good friends. But like I said, that does not mean I am not envious, angry, disgusted, resentful or oblivious to how they are allowed to be so much more, just because they are from a religion called Islam.

Being proud to be Malaysian is hard for me. Sure I beam with pride when our Malaysians won the Thomas Cup. And when Nicol David is the top squash player in the world. And that Jimmy Choo is a revered name in the shoe business. And Zang Toi is doing well in the States. You see, my pride stems from the fact that they are INDIVIDUALS who made it. So it makes me proud to know, hey, I may be able to make it too even if I do not have blonde hair, blue eyes or a foreign accent. Does it make a shred of difference that they happen to be FROM Malaysia? I am afraid that comes in second place.

Ok I may not make much sense.

But at the end of the day, it boils down to hoping that if I, a Chinese girl loves Malaysia, it might one day, someday love me back.